The Sponsors: I would like to give ample thanks to all the people who sponsored this trip. Without them, it would not have been possible for me to gain this valuable experience. Monetary donations from Eugene Manalo, John Kothanek, Eric Nevalainen, Stan Boyd, Joe Melchiorre, Francisco Lopez, Anson Tyau, Jason Hansen and Fred Julian allowed me to pay for my airfare from London to Sofia as well as pay for extra costs associated with the trip that weren’t covered by PSE. PSE (Precision Shooting Equipment – www.pse-archery.com) covered the hotel, food, registration and transportation to and from the airport while I was in Sofia. Dr. Ted Byrom (www.ted-byrom.com) generously donated 100,000 of his AA miles to cover my plane ticket from Phoenix to London. Again, if it weren’t for them this trip would have been impossible for me to go on as it would have easily cost over $2500. I feel very blessed to have so many people behind me!
The Scoop: During the qualification round, I shot a personal best at 70 meters of 302 in a FITA (note that a FITA is four distances 70m, 60m, 50m, and 30m - last year at Olympic trials I shot a 313 but we didn’t shoot any other distance, just 70 meters). At 50 meters I shot a 307 besting my 302 from the Gold Cup. My overall FITA of 1253 was also a personal best, improving on last years nationals where I shot a 1246. I was most proud of the fact that it was the first time that I broke 300 points at each distance. Being able to shoot my personal best at an international tournament has really boosted my confidence.
At the end of the first day I was ranked 35th and a good second day moved me up 6 spots to 29th. On the third day we shot individual elimination rounds. I struggled a little bit on my first end shooting a 46 to Japan’s Suga who shot a 48. On the second end, I lost more ground when I shot a 49 to Suga’s 53. I was down 6 points, 95 to 101. On the final end I continued to improve, shooting a 50, but Suga only faltered slightly shooting a 49 to win by 5 points, 149 to 145. I wasn’t too disappointed with my overall finish of 36th as it was my first outdoor international tournament, but I knew that I could have done better. My teammate Jenny finished the best of the three of us tied for 5th while her sister, Mandy finished slightly behind me in 40th place.
In part because of Jenny’s 3rd place ranking in the qualification round with a 1330 FITA, our PSE team was ranked 5th. Our first match was supposed to be against 12th ranked Serbia and Montenegro but for whatever reason they didn’t show up on the last day and we basically received a bye. Our quarterfinal match was against the British team, who in recent months, acquired the coach who helped Marco Galliazo win the individual gold medal in Athens. After the first 9 arrows we were up 3 points on them with Jenny shooting a perfect 30 (10,10,10). On the second end we shot a 76 and were down by one point to the Brits (153-154). The last end both teams shot the same score and the Brits retained their 1 point lead beating us 227-226. Despite our loss, I felt I shot well under the pressure with a 76/90 (25,26,25). They then moved on to the semi finals where they beat the Chinese putting them in contention for the Gold medal which they lost to the Ukrainians.
Day by Day Personal Journal:
Day 1: Sunday, July 3rd, 2005
As the alarm went off at 5am, I was already more than half awake. My bags, probably for the first time ever, were fully packed. Usually I’m really lazy about packing and it takes me forever, but given that this was an international tournament, it was important to me that I be on time. Last year coming home from Amsterdam I learned the hard way that international planes don’t wait on customers who take their time getting to the airport.
My friend Antony had agreed to drop me off at the shuttle stop as well as take care of my dog Cassie until she could get into the kennel after the 4th of July. Of course, I forgot to call and wake him up so when I showed up at 6:45am he was still in his pajamas. We still made it to the shuttle drop off on time though, in fact slightly early. The shuttle picked me up promptly at 7:15am and my first leg of my trip was in motion. A little over 90 minutes later we were pulling into Sky Harbor where I checked my bags in for the long haul to Sofia.
My first flight was from Phoenix to Chicago, once I arrived in Chicago, I had a short delay before getting on the flight to London Heathrow. By the time I landed in the UK, I had been in a moving object (shuttle or plane) for roughly 13 hours with a couple of layovers. However, the anticipation and excitement surrounding my trip to Sofia helped me relax and enjoy it.
Day 2: Monday, July 4th, 2005 – Independence day!
Jenny, Mandy and Alexander met me at Heathrow and after a short layover of about an hour we were on our way to Sofia. Despite being one of the eastern most European countries, Sofia was only 3 hours away from London. On the plane, I had befriended a local Bulgarian who insisted on helping carry my bags all the way to the baggage claim. When we finally did get to the baggage claim, I was happy to get my bags right away. Although I have only lost my bags once while flying, you never know when it is going to happen.
Just two years ago, Magnus Peterson (aka the “Korean-eater” since he beat two Koreans on his way to the bronze medal match in the Sydney Olympics) lost his bow on the way to the Vegas World Indoor Festival and he had to put together an ad hoc bow made up of parts from several different people’s back ups. Although he shot well, he lost a lot of ground against everyone else until his equipment arrived. Unfortunately for Jenny and Mandy, it seemed as though they might be sharing the same fate as Magnus. Double unfortunate for them was that I didn’t bring a back up bow, jokingly, I suggested that we could all share mine. Needless to say, even though they were disappointed that they missed practice, we were all relieved when their bows showed up the next evening.
One last note about the fourth was that we were still able to enjoy fireworks. Jenny and Mandy came up to my room for a team meeting and while we were talking we started to hear these fireworks. It was a great moment, knowing that we were half way around the world able to still partake a little bit in our countries 4th of July celebrations.
Day 4: Wednesday, July 7th, 2005 - The Short Distances
I woke up tired this morning despite trying to go to bed a little earlier then the night before. For whatever reason, it took me a lot longer to fall asleep last night then the other nights, I guess I had a lot on my mind. Tuesday had gone well but it didn’t show my true potential and I felt some pressure to do well today.
I met Jenny, Mandy and Alexander for breakfast. Despite being there right at 7:30am, there was barely any food left. I think the hotel restaurant was a little under prepared for hungry archers as it seemed that every meal they were just short of the right amount of food every time the last few people got through the line. However, this morning I was one of the lucky ones, and I managed to scrape up all of the remaining eggs and three pieces of toast.
After breakfast, Jenny and Mandy went to get their stuff and I proceeded to put my bow case and extra bag on the bus. I’ve also learned that it is good to be one of the first on the bus, well that is if you would prefer to have a seat. Some of the teams are so large that they don’t really care if you have stuff on a seat saving it, they’ll just sit right down on it as was the case with the Chinese yesterday morning.
The bus ride is a quick 15 minutes, this morning we decided to sit in the front seat, which was most likely a mistake as Jenny almost had my breakfast all over her lap. The driving in Bulgaria leaves much to be desired, with no official lanes and aggressive drivers, it can often be a recipe for potential disaster. Nonetheless, we made it there in one piece and we made our way to the range for the start of the short distances.
The sky was dark, but the rain seemed to be holding off. Every once in a while I would feel a light rain drop, but it didn’t seem to want to accumulate to anything. As we did yesterday, the team decided to warm up on the practice field shooting blank bale for the first 3 rounds. I felt pretty good but despite shooting blank bale, I still didn’t feel like I was where I would like to be. I decided to shoot a couple of rounds at 50 to get a little bit more comfortable.
On my first few practice ends I was really trying hard to stay in control, it felt a lot like the National Indoor Championships when I got 5th… but it was without a doubt too stiff and I knew that it wasn’t the type of form that I shot a 325 in practice with. I was also struggling with my release and whether I wanted to keep it tight against my face as Vic had taught me over a year ago or whether I wanted to have it come back the way Alexander wanted it. I know I should be doing the latter, but I’d been having some trouble with it and the old way can sometimes feel like a mini security blanket. Eventually though, just as children have to shed their first “binki,” I too will have to release” my old release.
We made our way back to the official range saying hi to a couple of stray dogs along the way. Apparently, as it was in Athens, there are several stray dogs around Sofia and as in Athens, they are simply tolerated. My focus shifted back to the task at hand, I was still undecided about how I was going to approach today… which release was I going to shoot? Was I going to allow myself to be a little edgy? By the time we got to the official range, the practice whistle had blown. When I made my way to the line, I felt really comfortable. In fact in general, I’ve felt really comfortable about my shooting but it seems that there is a shift in how I feel in the practice to how I feel when I’m about to score.
I know that I don’t want to focus on score and that I just want to shoot, but it seems that that never really happens. Part of me thinks that eventually I’ll get to the point where I’ve done it so many times that I don’t even think about it. In fact today, I was doing pretty well with watching the score cards to make sure that it was accurate, but then being able to forget about my actual score when I was back on the line… well at least until the very end.
So, the first end was the start of a possible disaster. As usual, I really didn’t have any obvious nerves (i.e. butterflies, etc) but my muscles seemed to want to tighten up. I decided that it was important for me to remind myself to remain calm no matter what. I made a conscious decision to shoot extremely controlled on the first three arrows as it had worked on the practice range. I shot the first arrow, 8. I thought, ok, not so bad, then I shot the second arrow, 7.
At this point, even though I knew that I didn’t want to think this way, my brain was stuck on wanting to shot a 10 to even it up to a 25. My goal at the Gold Cup was to shoot every end 25 or better because that would guarantee me a 300+ finish. Last night, I had decided that if I could pick up 2-3 points on every 2 ends, I would be in a good position to shoot a 312-318 which would push me into second place for the Americans. The only thing is, I am not supposed to think about score… ever! It is the one thing that holds me back and I’m not really sure why I even let myself entertain the idea.
I’m sure you can see where this is going… my third arrow was a 6. Bam, 21. Nothing like dropping 4 points on the first end. When that happens, your brain starts running 100 miles an hour and trying to figure out how to calm down becomes your number one priority. When I came off the line I gave Alexander this look like “I know you’re pissed, I am too.” But what I said was, “I don’t know what happened, I’m having some problems with my eyes, you know that stigmatism, it is acting up again.” Which was partly true, but what was truer was that I was on the brink of getting my butt handed to me if I didn’t make some kind of change soon.
I was so mad at myself, I knew that I could turn it around, but the question was how quickly and would it last. I am always dreaming about the day that I can just stand up and shoot without having to think about it… that day when I am so calm and so collected that shooting is simple and easy, seamless and strong. I’ve often had this dream about shooting the last arrow at a tournament (a big one too… like the Olympics) and I need a 10 to win. I shoot the arrow and it just makes its way smack dab in the middle. I drop to my knees in amazement at this moment. The next shot is me on the podium, although it isn’t clear if I’m in first or somewhere else on the podium… but it doesn’t really matter to me because I value the precious moment when I know that my shot was perfect the second the arrow left my bow.
Of course that particular image didn’t appear right then, but I did manage to talk myself into changing back to the smooth and relaxed form versus the tense, over calculated form I was about to shoot. My next end was a 28, bringing my two end total to 49. Well… not where I wanted to be but not so bad, only being down 1 point on the first 2 ends wasn’t going to kill my score. Things picked up from there and I shot a solid 52, 52, 50, 53, and 51 finishing with a total of 307. Again not to my fullest potential, but a personal best by 5 points in a tournament. One more step in my personal ladder of confidence.
After 50 ended we decided to go to the practice range and get our sites for 30 meters. I shot 3 ends and each end I had 3 tens out of 6 of the arrows. I knew that if I consistently shot like that I would be able to pull off a 340 or so, but again, I was trying to let go of score and just focus on my form and my ability to stay calm. However, I’m still not at the point where I can just let it go. When we were done with practice, we made our way back to the official range.
As we got ready to shoot 30 meters for score, my whole body felt this wash of relief come over it. I was so glad to have made it through the toughest distances… and to know that for the first time ever, I’d broken 300 on each distance. I am slowly learning to take pleasure in the small things and not obsess over the short term but to remain focused on the long term.
At the end of the first end, I remember walking down to the target with Jenny and Mandy and I looked at Jenny and said, “Doesn’t it feel it feel great to shoot the first end at 30 meters?” Mandy looked back at me and said, “Yeah especially when you shoot a 30.” I smiled back and said, “Yeah that would be nice, I guess I’ll have to do it next end…” and as I said that I realized that I had in fact shot a 30. Which is great, except that again, it can be a pressure cooker, I had to really calm myself down for the second end. Of course the next 7 ends I managed to shoot 5 29s broken only by 2 28s somewhere in the middle.
Now the weather had held out quite well until about the 4th end and then with the crack of thunder and a flash of lightening, the heavens opened up and started pouring down on us. The water was so strong that the automatic timing system died, forcing us to shoot according the whistle rather then the buzzer. It got my nerves a little bit since I had no real concept of how much time I had left to shoot. Even when I had a clock, I still had one very close call in which I let an arrow go with only 1 second left on the clock. Fortunately for me it was an 8. The combination of the buzzer and the rain made it more difficult for me.
During the breaks in between each end I was using Jenny’s baby powder to keep my chin, equipment and hands from getting too wet. It seemed to work but as I started the last end I was surprised at where the arrows were going. All of the sudden with 4 arrows to go I couldn’t calmly hit the gold as I was doing before. For whatever reason, I happened to look at my finger tab only to see the shelf (the piece that rests under your chin) had shifted forward and down. Needless to say, it was quite frustrating because I wasn’t sure exactly where it was supposed to be and furthermore, even if I changed it back, I would need to make a sight adjustment to make sure it was in the right place.
I attempted to fix it and I was able to get it so it wasn’t perfect but it was better even if it didn’t reflect in my score. The next three ends cost me a lot of points, in part because the shelf on the tab moved, in part because I was very surprised (I don’t know why) as to how well I was doing and in part because it was raining. To qualify for USAT, I needed a 1260 and on the last four ends I dropped enough points to miss the 1260 by 7 when I could have easily made it and have finished ahead of Mandy who I came third to by 5 points.
Although I was happy that I shot a personal tournament best, I knew that I could have shot much better.
Day 5: Friday, July 9th, 2005 - Individual Eliminations
I apologize that I did not write a journal on this day... the summary is at the top of this page.
Day 6: Team Elimination
I stand firmly by the fact that when a team loses, it is not just because of one person – unless of course the other two people shot perfect scores and they lost b/c the third didn’t. I had a lot of hopes for a medal from this tournament, especially the team round. I felt mentally prepared and confident this morning when I woke up. I had done a lot of work mentally to make it come together and I was somewhat pleased with how I shot, but I knew I could shoot better – seems to be the theme of this tournament.
We got up around 8:30am and went down to breakfast, there wasn’t much conversation, in fact Jenny and Mandy didn’t come down until it was near time to go. It wasn’t that big of a deal since the night before though we had spent about a half an hour talking about how we felt about the nerves that tournaments give us. Jenny and Mandy said that they actually physically shook… I personally had not had that feeling, but after today was over, I definitely knew what they were talking about. It is funny, because I tend to not get extremely nervous, sometimes I feel like maybe I should be more nervous than I am because I am so calm. However, Alan (my sports psych) keeps telling me that it is more important to be really calm then to be nervous, so I guess I’m doing something right.
Our first match was supposed to be against Serbia and Montenegro however, they didn’t show up which was a shame because it would have been really good for all of us to get our nerves out and for me to build up my confidence. We shot for score anyway and I think that due to the lack of pressure I didn’t shoot my best. I had a lot of 7s and a blueberry. I had been really worried that I would shoot a 2 in competition before we came to Bulgaria, but luckily for me that thought didn’t even cross my mind when we were on the field.
I made it a point not to look at the British or to even look at their target. I’m not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but for me it keeps me focused on myself which is the number one ingredient to succeeding in a sporting event (in my opinion). The new UK coach, a Korean came up to me and shook my hand as well as Jenny and Mandy’s. I thought that was an interesting gesture. As they played the Gladiator 2 minute count down music, I reminded myself to stay calm and cool, loose and relaxed. Mandy shot her first shot and it was in the red, as I got up to shoot mine, I told myself to remain calm… I could see everything, I still can. I was very aware of what I was doing and how I was doing it. I believe I shot an 8 left. I adjusted my site and Jenny got on the line and shot a 10. Mandy shot again and I believe it was a 7. I shot another 8 right next to the other one and adjusted my site again. Jenny got up and shot another 10. Mandy shot, I believe hitting a 9 and I got on the line and shot a 9. Jenny got up and shot a 10.
At the end of the first end we were up 3 points… it was a strange position in to be in because you have the upper hand. I remember thinking, “Oh, this is great; if we can just hold it together we should be able to win this one.” I thought a little too quickly. You can never be too comfortable in international competition… a 3 point lead can be reversed in an instant… I remember my first match against Lindsay Pian at the AZ Cup in 2003, after the first end she was up 7 points but I managed to win by that margin in the end. On the next three arrows, I managed an X which very well could have been a lot lower given the amount of time I held the bow. I also got a little nervous on one shot and hit a high 7. Yet on another I aimed off just a little to the right and hit exactly where I aimed shooting an 8.
After 18 arrows the Brits had pulled out ahead of us by 1 point. I remember being a little surprised because I thought that we had shot the second end pretty well, just one point lower then the first with a 76 for a total of 153. On the last end, I felt particularly bad for Mandy, while she was in the middle of a shot one of the British girls popped a 6 and Naomi (one of the GB Olympians) called the arrow just as Mandy was releasing the shot. Had I been in the same position, I might have found it difficult to shoot my shot without being distracted by her shouting the number 6, I have a hard enough time trying to keep my mind from thinking about 5s or 6s let alone hearing it. Whether Mandy shot the 6 b/c she heard it or just because she was nervous really doesn’t matter because there was nothing we could do about it at that point.
When we got down to the target and we added the scores up, my stomach almost dropped (and I think Jenny’s actually did) when we saw that we only lost by one point. The British were nice about it though, instead of rubbing it in our faces they nicely shook hands and went back to the line to get ready for their next match against China. There were (and still are) several moments where I look back at that match and wish I could go and redo it. A 6th place finish was pretty good for the team, but it was also very disappointing given the fact that the Brits then went on to win the silver without us.
I didn’t cry. In fact, I think I was too disappointed to cry. Jenny and Mandy decided to go over to the practice range to work some of their frustration out and they asked me if I wanted to come along. At first I said no because I felt so bad I just wanted to pack it up, but then I decided to join them to show them that I supported the team and that I wasn’t mad at Mandy. We barely talked on the practice range, I asked if they wanted pizza again for dinner (since they had ordered it the night before), then shot a final round (with 5 arrows smack in the center of the target and walked back over to see the finals.
About an hour later, when we were changed for pictures, Mandy and Jenny were talking about the loss. Mandy asked Jenny if she ever got mad at the person who shot the lowest score on the team. I thought Jenny had a great answer, “No…”she said, “In fact, I get mad at the people who get mad at the person who didn’t shoot the best.” She then added that she hated to see when people got hard on themselves for being the one who shot the worst. I then tried to explain how I felt about it… even though she had the toughest round out of the three of us, I was more mad at myself for my 7 and 8 which cost us up to 5 additional points. But, “More Importantly,” I told her, “I could never have blamed you for the loss unless I shot a perfect score, which I didn’t.” David Kronengold later mentioned something even more important to me… unless someone deliberately blows a match, there is nothing to be upset about.
Later on at dinner when we were reviewing it yet again, Mandy and Jenny both said that I did a good job. The funny thing is, I had been praying for the past month and a half that I would do my part and not fail the team… they had no idea how glad I felt that I did what I wanted to do.
So the tournament came to an end, the banquet and party was the next logical step to finish up the grand prix circuit. Oddly, I was very pleased with how things went overall. I shot two personal bests at individual distances (70m in a FITA and 50m). I shot a personal best FITA in a tournament (and not just any tournament, an international one) of 1253 and I was able to hold it together in the team round and not let anyone down. My weakest link was probably the individual eliminations which was really the one aspect of the tournament that I hadn’t done as much mental preparation as the others.
