A letter to my baby

I was having a hard time trying to find the words for this month's blog, so I decided instead to write a letter to Heidi about what it has been like having her in the world these past 10 weeks. After writing it, I nearly didn't publish it since it is so personal, but then I thought it was the best expression of how I feel at the moment and maybe a few other people might enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Dear Heidi,

The past 10 weeks have been amazing! I can’t tell you what a thrill you have been to your Daddy and me. We have loved every single minute that you have been in this world – even those moon-kissed 4am minutes.

Your first few weeks were full of sleeping and your Mommy trying to figure out how to increase her milk supply. I even spent an entire day with you strapped to my boobs in a sling trying to get you to drink so that the milk supply would increase to meet the demand. As much as I love you, that day nearly killed me and after shedding a few tears, Daddy and I decided that I would supplement with formula until I the milk came in. Now, 10 weeks on, no more tears and you are nearly 90% breastfed.

And babycakes, you are a guzzle chops! In the hospital, it was a huge effort to get you to drink 20mls and today, you easily put down nearly 250mls in one sitting. You don’t wait either – you suck that milk down like it is the last bottle you’ll ever get to drink!

Everyone thinks you are beautiful. Your Daddy and I can’t stop staring at you. Often we look at each other and ask God out loud, “What in the world did we do to deserve you?” You are such an angel!! You never fuss and if you do, it is either because you are hungry or you are tired.

You’ve done a lot in the past 10 weeks. But the highlight came when you started smiling about a week ago. You have a huge, bright smile! It is like watching a sunflower unfold under a clear, blue sky. Your eyes light up and your face is the definition of genuine happiness.

Heidi, I’m so lucky to have you, we are so lucky to have you. There are so many precious Moms and Dads who have lost their little ones. My heart aches at the very thought of not spending another second with you. We must never forget what a gift we have been given.

You probably won’t ever remember this, but every night, after I put you to bed and once you have fallen asleep, I kiss your forehead and say “I love you.” I pray for you constantly. I pray that you will know God and that you will know His love. I pray that you can become everything you set out to be. But mostly, I say “Thank you” not just to God, but to Daddy - for I had no idea just how much you would mean to me.

Your Daddy and I love you with all our hearts,

Mommy